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Over the years, my husband and I have developed an extremely effective routine and "regiment" for keeping his effort and energy focused on me (and my pleasure). A little playfulness, a little experimentation, and lots of ideas from other women online have gotten us to a place where I have all the tools I need to keep him in top condition. Just as I used to wonder and struggle with exactly how to cement my control over my man, I'm sure there are other "beginners" who might benefit from these insights. Of course all men (and couples) are unique. But in the interest of helping out other women who are trying to get a handle on their role, I thought I'd explain a few techniques that work for me.

"Conversations"

Within minutes, he is putty in my hands and I can feel the effects of frustration and denial on his will and his psyche. I know he is mush. Then the "conversation" begins.

It is mostly a one-sided talk, with me describing the things I like and don't like about his recent performance and he nodding or agreeing with me through heavy-breathed grunts and moans. I tell him how important his servitude is to our relationship, and also how vital it is that he ALWAYS remain desperate for me. I ask him about the ever-present pain he carries for me in his balls and tell him it needs to grow more severe, "don't you agree?" I tell him sexy thoughts or plans I have.

In this state, Scott is essentially entranced and hypnotized. I am brain-washing him, really. I tell him to think about my body all day long. I tell him to imagine worshipping my pussy or feet or ass and to think up new ways to serve me. I tell him about some challenges that lie in his future and tortures I'm going to inflict upon him. Sometimes I make him decide between two horrible options... like hearing every detail of my date or getting to know nothing at all. (Yes, I do go out and have my own fun!). I've also made him choose between a week of straight chastity with no release and a week of nightly teasing sessions that completely devastate him. Complete solitary confinement or overwhelming tease and denial? I like to give my slave choices.

Almost every conversation ends with Scott agreeing to some new chore, responsibility, or hardship. I don't give him orders. In this lusty, helpless state of mind, he is most agreeable and voluntary. I simply tell him that I'd like to be impressed and ask him if he can satisfy me. From his own free will, he has committed himself to more suffering, denial, servitude, and demonstrations of love than I have ever asked of him. Of course, once he cools down and comes back into his own head, I think he regrets the promises he makes and the new standards he is held to. But I think a slave's voluntary show of submission is infinitely more meaningful and heartfelt than the simple obeying of orders.

"Confessional"

Every Sunday morning (just like church), I tie my slave, free his cock, and turn him into mush by alternately teasing him to insanity and making him whimper and sweat in pain. Sometimes I'll squeeze his balls and stroke at the same time. Sometimes I'll whip his ass with a crop then give a few strokey-strokes on his eager cock, back and forth, pain and pleasure.

After 10 minutes or so, he is in the proper mind set and I gently whisper in his ear that it is time to confess. My hands don't stop, stroking, squeezing, whipping, while he struggles with something to tell me.

And believe me. A man in enforced chastity ALWAYS has something to confess.

If I sense that he is reluctant, I'll beat the reluctance out of him. Or I might try sweet seduction and bring him to the edge of orgasm, cooing and seducing the transgressions out of him.

Scott is a good little pet, but there is always room for improvement. He has confessed to ogling women, sneaking unhealthy snacks, or clicking on porn sites when left alone. Sometimes, he reveals a doozy like fantasizing about a celebrity (he's only permitted to dream about ME!) or trying to pick the lock on his device. Sometimes in a week all he can confess to is wavering loyalty or a grouchy mood. As I listen, I keep up the teasing and the pain... just enough to keep the trickle of sweat flowing.

I don't punish him during this time. When I hear the confessions, I simply accept them, maybe ask a question for clarity, but I don't punish him; even if the crimes are serious and all I can think about is making him cry. He is confessing and I soothe and caress the truth out of him without punishment. I want to hear it all and I keep my tone gentle, supportive, and even playful. I tell him everything is okay and that I love him.

But when he is done, I make it clear that those sins will not be tolerated a second time. I make him promise. And I make him promise to be truthful if he ever slips up and falters again. And then I very lovingly caress and stroke his cock and describe for him my level of disappointment. I ask him if he thinks I deserve better treatment from a slave. And then I ask him to suggest a suitable punishment.

In my mind, I've already decided on the severity of discipline I'd like to unleash on him. As I stroke and tease and listen to him struggle, I weigh his ideas against mine. If I think he is being light on himself, I encourage him with "is that all? Do you think that's a sufficient penalty?" which of course brings about another list of chores, punishments, and humiliations. Again, I like the ideas to be his. And they are SO easy to get out of him!

"Time outs"

For a time out, my slave is left alone, naked, tied, and standing. This is often in the basement or sometimes in my closet (with my wardrobe that haunts him with my smells), in very tight bonds that leave him little room to move. I have a dark hood that goes over his head so that he can't be distracted by anything he sees.

He is not told how long his time out will last and no questions or whimpering is tolerated. He is simply told what to think about-mainly how to better please me.

A choice for me is whether or not to let him out of his device. Leaving the device on keeps things simple for him and is less bother for me. Then the time he is left truly is a chance for him to simply be still and think.

Sometimes, though, I feel like making his time out more of a challenge. I may remove the device and let his cock harden, giving him a light touch or sexy thoughts to contemplate. Then I drape a scarf or stocking or other light piece of fabric over his erection and tell him to stay hard while I am away. If I find he has "dropped" the piece of material, I tell him, I will be disappointed and he will be punished. If he can keep it up for me, a sweet reward will be his when I get back.

Other times, his balls get tied short to something, keeping him off-balance and nervous. I've also left him tied with hot menthol cream rubbed all over his cock and a gag in his mouth.

Whenever I leave his cock free, though, even though his hands are tied or cuffed behind him, I make damn sure that he can't rub up against or hump anything nearby. Trust me, if he can make contact with it, he'll make himself cum with it.

So he gets left, for half an hour or 5 hours, sitting and stewing as to what I am doing. And if he has the added challenge of maintaining a stiffy for me, he is also drowning himself in sexual thoughts, trying to stay hard. When I come back and release him, I say nothing and ask nothing about his time. And of course he is not permitted to ask a single question about what I've been doing.

I like time outs because they so simply demonstrate that I have full control over him, and he has none whatsoever over me.

Wake up duties

For Scott, his duties include cleaning the kitchen, making coffee and breakfast, making sure the shower is clean and ready for me, and waking me up gently with soft kisses. He brings me my laptop opened to my mailbox, a coffee, and usually some toast or yogurt, and get some work done while in bed. I then usually have a few other assignments for him to take care of before I come down.

Bed Time duties

Chores are for him. Bed is for me. Each night he needs to earn a place beside me.

Punishments as rewards

When I see Scott making a special effort to please me, and to be selfless, he needs to be encouraged and the behavior reinforced. I used to think that this meant it was time for some gentleness, or pleasure, or freedom for him, and for certain, I DO give him some things he likes when he's been good. I've given him lap dances, or a few minutes of oral, or let him pick out some new lingerie for me as rewards.

But I've also learned to resist this urge, and instead, I use this time to turn up the heat and establish my domination even further. Basically, I reward Scott by confirming for him his role of sufferer and slave, and my role as sweet, cruel, princess. He gets punished for being the perfect slave.

Last week, Scott went out of his way to prepare and serve me an amazing meal. I hadn't asked for it or expected anything. He simply made use of a free afternoon to prepare appetizers, salads, dinner, and desert. He served it by candlelight and sat lovingly on the floor and massaged my feet while I enjoyed it. It was wonderful. I was proud of my slave for his thoughtfulness and initiative.

Part of me wanted to invite him into my bed, take off his device, and show him the warmth and generosity his Mistress is capable of. He had done well and I loved him. I could SO EASILY reward him for being the perfect male.

But an even better reward for my slave is for me to accept his service, and then give him the motivation needed to keep pleasing me. What I think he REALLY wants, and what our relationship needs, is to have this power exchange affirmed, strengthened, and stretched even further.

After I finished my meal and my wine, I told him to clean up the kitchen and to come upstairs naked. I met him in one of his favorite lingerie sets and heels, wearing the key to his device on a gold chain around my neck. I snapped his wrist cuffs on him, and wrestled the chastity tube off his cock. I was sweet and loving and gentle with him, and I told him how much I loved my meal. I told him that is EXACTLY the kind of behavior I'd like to see from him and that he needs to do that kind of thing much more often.

I knew he was thinking of getting lucky. And I let his mind go there as I whispered sweetly to him and tickled my fingers up and down his shaft. I turned him into mush again, and then instructed him to kneel on the floor and lean onto the bed.

As a reward for his good performance, I instructed Scott to be utterly silent and receive a good hard whipping across his bottom. I counted out the lashes, one after the other, without telling him how high I'd go. Every time I heard a whimper or cry, I shushed him and started the count over. When I reached 30 without a sound from him, I instructed him to lie back on the floor. I sat down on his face and worked his freed cock into a lather of spasms and pre-cum, stopping just shy of his release point. I let him catch his breath for a few moments, cooling down from the brink and then I'd go to it again, stroking and pinching, squeezing and licking until he was moaning and writhing like a madman. I carried on like this for maybe 5 minutes before dismounting him and ordering him to assume whipping position again.

I took him back and forth, back and forth between these two tortures for over an hour, whipping and teasing. To every protest or question or begging plea, I responded with a gentle "shush. I'm doing what I want to do". When I was through with him, he was a sweating, limp, broken, wet noodle. I told him he was a good boy and to fall asleep on the floor by my bed. No more words. And just for kicks, before falling into bed myself, I rubbed some menthol ointment onto his hard-on and kissed him goodnight.

I know. It seems as though I just let him have it for being a good little slave. I did. But more than any other act of kindness or generosity, I think this is what he needs... to have my power asserted, to see that I enjoy wielding it, and to suffer for me. I just cemented the dynamic that he initiated with his selfless act of meal preparation. He offered up his servitude and I gave him my domination and cruelty in return. We both fed the energy cycle that keeps this addiction going.

Certainly I often feel like REALLY rewarding him. And I do. But the kindness on my part does little for our attraction to each other. In fact, it almost undoes the dynamic and flow we are trying to create. Yes, Scott needs to be reminded that I love him. But when he feels the love I have of OWNING and torturing him, then he is a happy slave, and his compulsion to serve is recharged.

(The following morning, after unlocking his cuffs, Scott greeted me and worshipped me with an entirely new level of love and adoration. He was a love-sick puppy!)

Conditioning, conditioning, conditioning,..and then the benefits

When we first started Scott on the path of chastity, denial, and servitude, I was eager to have him at my beckon call and to have a slave/servant around the house. After all, I had the ultimate carrot (permission for him to enjoy his cock) and the ultimate stick (the power to deny him all sex entirely). It was time for me to give orders. And if he wanted any fun whatsoever, it was time for him to obey.

And this works, to a degree. If Scott wanted to be let out for a little fun, he had to paint the fence, mow the grass, and clean the kitchen. Scott's desire to please unfolded and my enjoyment of having chores done for me became greater appreciation for my partner. But I think we fell into a trap. Scott's cock, and desire, and energy, and submission, were all locked up in solitary confinement in the chastity device. He was essentially a eunuch that had to obey orders to enjoy his wife like a real man. We had gotten into a routine of low energy obedience in the hopes of some high energy rewards. Scott was obedient, but his desire to please was luke warm.

So I changed my focus. It's not the chores that are important. It's not what he can do for me. It's not how much easier and more pampered my life can become. I think putting too much emphasis on what gets done, and an action/reward pattern of behavior really limited the energy we had for this lifestyle.

I began to focus on how I can dominate him. What can I do to him? What challenges would be fun? What should I take from him? Comfort? Pride? Confidence? How can I fuck with his mind and REALLY possess and twist him up? How might I amuse myself with his suffering and frustration?

Essentially, I began to think about how I could feed the dynamic, as opposed to how I might benefit from it.

I became unpredictable. I became a ruthless tease. I scheduled a date for his orgasm, but then changed my mind at the last minute. His cock never went unteased and he essentially LIVED in his handcuffs. I whipped him and tied him up. I had him sleep on the floor or in the basement. I went out on dates with other men. In short, I played with him (his whole being... physical, mental, emotional) like a toy. I enjoyed breaking him down. I took on my domination and his submission as a full time project.

I was conditioning him.

First of all, he fell helplessly in love with me all over again, almost instantly. He was affectionate and devoted, and loving, and caring, and sweet, and eager, and interested. He tried so hard to please me. He wasn't angry or resentful AT ALL! True submission began to fuel him now and the energy was unstoppable.

And Secondly, after a few weeks of this, Scott was cleaning, painting, mowing, servicing, providing, gifting, and pleasing me of his own accord. He was BEGGING for me to tell him things he might do to please me, begging for his chore list to grow. And to each task, he gave 100%. Not for reward. Not for sex or orgasms, or anything from me. But simply because he was compelled to please me.

Diving in and becoming a sexy, cruel, bitch took a leap of faith. I was hesitant to hurt my lover and worried that I'd feel guilty for giving into my dark whims. But it was like flicking a switch on in Scott.

So now, if I feel a lack of energy or focus on Scott's part I take a step back. Yes, he is responsible for his behavior. But I am responsible for his conditioning. It is his job to please me. But life flows a LOT easier when I give him the fuel needed to please.

You get him. He gets only part of you

If I want, I tell Scott what to eat, how to sleep, what to think about, and what to do. I get to look through his phone, email, and browsing history. I can tell him what to wear and how to behave. I can tell him what to buy.

I can hurt him in delicious ways and tell him to take it. I can tell him to please me in any number of ways I choose. I essentially own him. He is mine. No privacy, walls, lies, secrets, or hidden wants. I get everything that is him.

But not so in the reverse. I think it is vital that your man have strict boundaries and limited access to you. Of course, Scott has no say in what I do, wear, or think. But he also has no rights to me or my body without permission. I kiss him. Or I permit him to kiss me. I tease or hurt or whip or squeeze him. But he keeps his hands to himself until I nod permission.

Scott would be whipped into a bloody mess if he were to go through my things, check up on me, or snoop in anyway. And if I am going out at night, he doesn't get permission to ask a thing. I tell him what I want him to know. He doesn't need to be informed. I don't need to check anything with him.

And like a loyal dog, who doesn't need to know where you are going, why he needs to be tied up, or why he must be banished to his dog house, he will be your most faithful and adoring companion. And he will lap at your feet.

You are beautiful, and powerful, and free. You are absolutely EVERYTHING to your slave. Love him, but perhaps be content with him not being everything to you. He is a lover, friend, and partner, but he is in a different caste than you. He is a possession. Love can be just as real in this inequality.

Keep it consistent and you'll be amazed how deep in love you can be across this gap in power, control, freedom, and choice.

Love & lashes

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Page last updated 2012-Jan-03 by: Altairboy@aol.com