The Female Consensus

Chastity is something that my husband of 14 years and I have had an interest in for many years, it became a part of our life three years ago. I am a flight attendant for a major airline and my job puts me out of town for at least two nights per week. Andrew and I were always in to exploring in our sexual relationship and research brought us in to the wonderful world of chastity. After finding that it sparked a common interest we spent more than a year researching, he did the research on devices and I researched about how to make it work.

I have always felt that being well informed about something allows for one to be able to do something well. Whether you are here to research or your partner sent you here one thing is apparent, you obviously have some sort of interest or you wouldn't be taking the time to read about the amazing concept of male chastity and its benefits. I have communicated with more than thirty ladies who keep their men chaste - three of whom I have met with in person - and the one thing that was truly agreed upon was that the benefits were by and large incredible. It may amaze you, as it did me, to find out that so many men and women use chastity as part of their relationship, really more than you could imagine. This goes to show that it is truly anonymous.

To make it work you need to develop a plan, as I said, I communicated with many others and all but one agreed that this is something that should become a 24/7 part of the relationship. 24/7 is the foundation, it is what changes men for the positive because they shouldn't have the opportunity to control their sexual release and this is one of the areas that the lady, mistress, keyholder or whatever you prefer to be recognized as must have absolute control of. Although the lady remains in control it is very important to remember that you and he are still a couple in a relationship, he is still the man and that shouldn't be forgotten, your relationship only changes once you close the bedroom door. Life goes on as it always had, employment, financial, family issues and decisions; your dominance should not interfere in other areas though you will find that he on his own may react differently, often positively, as his feelings and emotions change.

Whether this is something that he initiated, the two of you mutually agreed upon or something that you requested from him - one thing is a necessity, there needs to be something for him to gain. He is giving up something that is a very important part of the males life, his sexual abilities - and for that you need to realize that he too should be rewarded, as well as you will, but obviously in a much different way. You know the things that he likes, that arouse him, put a smile on his face. Often times we find that there are things that really do not interest us that do him and considering the sacrifice that he is making you too can make sacrifices, like life, chastity needs mutual rewards and often you will find those things that you reward him with will lead to an increase in his being aroused and enhancing his over all demeanor. It could be massages or trying sexual things that he likes but you never desired to try. Changes in your appearance, how you dress, the make-up you apply, shortening your dress and for most men a lady wearing high heels heightens their happiness and arousal. He is making a permanent change in his lifestyle and you too may need to make some permanent adjustments so that he feels things are fair.

All men, given the ability, masturbate and this is something that is difficult for him to part with. Chastity works in many ways; it changes his mood, demeanor and libido. Most importantly it changes his desire to please you. It is not the goal for him to do the cooking or the cleaning or the laundry but you will find that it will happen, not routinely but it will happen because as he continues to build up his sexual energy that he no longer has the ability to release as he pleases he will divert that energy towards pleasing you. Your being the source of his sexual pleasure will change his feelings, he will adore you, love you in a way that you desire and he will be eager to please you because you are, as I said, the source of his release. He will find, over time, he is happier and that will be because you're happier, he will love the emotional boost the two of you share.

How to do it, that is an extremely important decision. Developing the correct plan, one that is universal for all men, was the most detailed part of the communication process and ultimately the good points were examined and the bad ones were weeded out. By taking the advice of many other ladies and being able to put a well informed plan together I was confident that we could be successful. I followed this plan from day one and still, to this day, I have found it works. At least a dozen or more other ladies have also utilized this plan, successfully. We must always remember that sexually we are always in command and that first and foremost we will always be sexually satisfied, this is the cornerstone to happiness for both you and him. Keeping us sexually satisfied is the gentleman's job; anywhere and anytime I say by any means that I demand. Because he cannot and does not experience the pleasure of an orgasm only means that you experience many more than ever before.

You may think that this works only to your advantage and that is a common misconception, it just as advantageous for him. He must keep you satisfied to eventually get his release and every time he satisfies you he is happy because he has made you happy. It is important to instill to him that his primary means of sexual gratification will be through yours, eventually every time you experience an orgasm he will have a sense of sexual satisfaction. How you will accomplish this I will explain in a moment. What could be better, you being pleasured any way you like and experiencing the wonderful sensations as he can not but he feels satisfied and still maintains a high libido. Although you're still equals outside of the bedroom you are the queen of the bedroom and he is your slave. To enforce that you do have a certain amount of control it is important that he be forced to do and maintain a change in his appearance, something between you and he. This must be something that would be embarrassing for him when out in the general public so it should be concealed. Generally something under his clothes; replacing his underwear with ladies panties or requiring him to wear a brassiere are examples. Most commonly, women agreed that the man's feet was best, easily covered or uncovered based on your orders and modifications could be removed when you feel it is necessary and reapplied when the time is suitable. In our case, Andrew wears a silver charm ankle bracelet and he receives bi-weekly pedicures at a salon with which he maintains a French style nail finish except for occasions that I instruct him to do something different. With the exception of work and exercise he must wear what ever footwear I designate. I find this does absolutely nothing for me but reenforce to him the fact that I am in control, as previously said this is most important, his failure to comply will have consequences he does not desire.

How to achieve your results, this is easier than you might think. Why is this so simple, because you will feel empowered and pleased without the slightest discomfort. Depending on your situation variations in time will be different but there are parameters that should be followed to achieve the greatest results. The most important step is always the first one, this is where he is made to understand that you control his sexual pleasure from this point forward, the initial enforcement of chastity should be three months of continuous wear without relief. That three month period does seem a bit harsh but it is paramount to your success as it allows his body and mind to adjust to the lack of masturbation and sexual pleasure as desired. Enforcing the first three month period will allow him to get in to the proper frame of mind and make him understand your desire and your commitment and your determination to his being chaste; it will also give you the chance to develop the strength to say "no". He should be made aware of the time frame immediately upon his being secured in his device, this allows for a clear understanding of the initial commitment of time. Upon completing the three month confinement I assure you that he will have an experience like never before, this is a reward for the couple, you will have a sense of strength for enforcing it and him for getting thru it. Once you allow him his release it is entirely up to you, within reason (not more then 24 hours) how long he remains free for and how many sexual experiences you allow, how they occur and how the ejaculate is disposed. A very important step during his release period is to ensure that you will get him back in to his device, I accomplish this by locking a steel cuff around his wrist prior to removing his device and before the cuff comes off he is again secured in his chaste state, I am confident that he would not be willing to go to work with the cuff. It now becomes time to determine his routine, from this point it is a decision you must make and he must be made aware of it. As a routine he should never be allowed to achieve orgasm more than once per month but should not be withheld for more than three months, I have found that a good baseline is to not allow double digit releases, meaning less than ten per year. You may find that you allow him to be released monthly and then decide that you would enjoy making him go for a longer period, it is alright to suddenly increase the time. He might ask why and you simply need to tell him why; I have responded with "because I am in control of your sexual abilities and I enjoy denying you, the longer I deny you the more you become frustratingly horny and thus I feel a sense of satisfaction". It isn't out of the realm of possibility to, on occasion, deny him for a much greater time, I have considered trying an entire year but this will certainly require meeting his other needs, remember this is a give and take. You are taking his ability to orgasm so you must reward him.

From time to time you might find it necessary to punish him for what ever reason, he might refuse to provide you with sexual pleasure as instructed or he spoke to you in a negative and degrading way; you instructed him to provide cunnalingus after he ejaculated in you and he refused; there are certainly many infractions. The most effective punishment is to increase his time of confinement; this should always be done in two week increments. He may have been in a bad mood and refused to provide oral sex to you one evening, upon his refusal it is imperative that you do what he would not. Masturbate yourself to as many orgasms as you like, he will attempt to provide for you but you must not allow him to. After you have satisfied yourself let him know that his refusal requires that he be punished and that you have decided that an additional month will be added to the time that is already required, any argument and it could be two months. Prostate milking can also be a form of punishment or sometimes a necessary procedure, most men do not enjoy being penetrated rectally and they tend to despise seeing their ejaculate expelled in large quantities without any sense of pleasure or release. Punishment will remain a vivid thought for him and for a long time, it is unlikely he will refuse your request again.

Conversation, by far, plays the biggest part. It takes very little energy and allows you to increase his frustration without having to do anything. Telling him what you like about his predicament, letting him know how much you appreciate what he has done to become a better spouse, partner, friend and lover. Let him know how his being chaste turns you on, if seeing him struggle thru sexual frustration entertains you let him know. Maybe it is his not being able to even touch himself, whatever it is communicate it. Communicate often, it is understandable that there may be days that you want to ignore his situation, it is alright to not care that he is not no longer in control of his manhood and you can let him know that you don't but you should not let it go more than a couple of days without making positive comments, too much negative discussion will push him away from wanting to continue. Physical stimulation is also important, nipple play, finding erogenous zones, caressing the exposed areas, if any, of his genitalia will heighten is excitement; again something that should be done regularly.

As the endeavor in to chastity continues you will be able to add ideas and musings to your relationship that you find works well. Remembering the basic principles of how to initiate and keep your male in your control will let you, and him, discover its amazing rewards. Always maintain the upper hand, do those things to show both you and him that your requests are nothing less than a requirement for him. Never wanting to revert to his self "lack of" control again believe me, the routine works and you'll never have a regret.

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Page last updated 06-Oct-04 by: Altairboy@aol.com