A Bona Fide Chastity Contract

The purpose of this agreement is to clarify expectations between Ambassador Duck Nelson and his wily keyholder, Princess Squirmy Fidget, with respect to her rights and duties as supervisor, chief executive decision maker and sovereign monarch ruling her personal property henceforth referred to as Mr. Weenie. Duck’s few privileges, and many covenants and indentures are also addressed.

1.	In exchange for the enormous honor Ambassador Duck Nelson enjoys by Princess Fidget’s willingness to entertain even the most remote possibility that she will take possession of The Key (meaning all the keys) and pay any attention to him whatsoever, The Ambassador agrees to abide by her kind instructions on all matters to the best of his abilities. Such matters may at times extend as far as to include the declaration of war against foreign powers, and her occasional need to occupy subspace. The broad scope of this contract is recognized and accepted by both parties.
2.	The Princess will keep Mr. Weenie locked for as long as she chooses. He will be released only as she sees fit. Duck shall not have the audacity to request release himself. Duck shall not gripe or complain about the duration of his confinement, the length of which will be solely determined by Princess Fidget. Ambassador Nelson is reminded that regardless of time served to date, it is in his best interest to maintain a polite and respectful demeanor when addressing The Princess. It is a well-documented fact that beautiful and intelligent women who get called "ignorant sluts" tend to keep keys squirreled away for frightfully long periods of time.
3.	Since this is a long distance situation The Key (meaning one key at a time only please) may be mailed or FedEx’d, or in an emergency, a secret hiding place in New York may be revealed. Under certain circumstances a grunt like utterance of "come get it yourself" may be most appropriate.
4.	Duck’s first release will not occur until he has "done everything for Ms. Fidget that her first husband forgot to do". Duck made this grandiose commitment, so why let him weasel out of it now? Then again, if Ms. Fidget’s "first" forgot to fuck her brains out at the top of Mount Everest in the dead of winter, some compassionate leeway may be in order. (But for Everest in the spring, make him work for it.)
5.	If at any time Duck is not locked in his chastity device, but The Princess orders its application, guess what. Lock down! See item #1 above.
6.	The Ambassador specifically warrants that he fully trusts Princess Fidget’s heart and judgment. He thus acknowledges and accepts that the power to detain Mr. Weenie gives The Princess tremendous authority over him. Future requests for special treatment because consequences or implications of this authority were not foreseen, are to be laughed at.
7.	It is agreed that Ambassador Nelson will not reveal Ms. Fidget’s key holding status to any third party. On the other hand, Princess Fidget may, for her amusement or other objective, explain Duck’s predicament to any person qualified to receive this information. In this context a "qualified person" is any earthling born of the female persuasion.
8.	Princess Fidget may amend this agreement at any time. The Ambassador may petition the Princess to amend the agreement, but only if hell has frozen several times over.
9.	This agreement will be interpreted according to the laws of gravity and her royal State of Mind. This contract is void if sold to a third party for less than $60, or if Princess wishes it to be void for any reason no matter how petty. <--- Wow! That is some teethy fine print.
10.	It is understood that certain conditions and events are de facto cause for Mr. Weenie’s indefinite confinement. These include, but are not limited to: a. Excessive body fat per her judgment, b. Pissing her off, c. Failing to defile her hot little bod with passionate raw monkey love, constantly.
11.	Ambassador Duck Nelson hopes, but does not require, that Princess Squirmy Fidget will put her mind to loving, caring, and mutually beneficial use of this burdensome resource (e.g., his attentive and motivated self) as she may determine from time to time that release of Mr. Weenie is contingent upon various promises and/or behaviors to which he desires to become obligated - whether he likes it or not.

Affirmed, signed and agreed to:
Ambassador Duck Nelson & Princess Squirmy Fidget
(Note: The Ambassador signed in blood, The Princess could only find a pencil.)

The Ambassador’s contact info: duck_nelson@yahoo.com

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Page last updated 01-Nov-03 by: Altairboy@aol.com