Man Desires CB, Wife Objects

A letter asking for help, and the advice that other CB users provided.

Dear Altairboy:

I am a married male, married 14 years, and I deeply want a chastity belt for myself. My wife thinks I am crazy and really wants nothing to do with the idea. When in Orlando on business,I had some time and visited with Bill Jones and was fitted. He showed me his products and that convinced me more than ever that I want one! My wife found out I was fitted and was really upset.

Do you have any stories available which are similar to my situation. I would like to convince her that there is nothing wrong with the idea and in fact it could be fun and spruce up or marriage. The thought of being locked up in one of those little devices is really erotic, I would really love it. I have always been a light bondagae enthusiast, tie up, handcuffs, etc., and would really like to be locked up with a chastity belt.

All I have to do is send Mr. Jones the $400.

Signed Mr. B

Response from Alice (a keyholder)

How does your wife feel about those light bondage things? How is your sex life otherwise? Your relationship as a whole? These are all important factors...

You wrote: All I have to do is send Mr. Jones the $400.

How would you feel if your wife had made a $400 purchase of something you objected to (like, say, living room furniture you found ugly) without asking you first? For some couples, $400 is no big deal, for others, a $400 impulse purchase would be devastating...

I'm asking a lot of questions, but mostly I'm just trying to get you to think about some of the implications of what you've done., and implications of your desire for chastity.

Response from George

I think Alice's response to you points up the issue. If your wife is sufficiently interested in "kinky" things to share your interest in "light bondage", etc, there is a real possibility that you might convince her to share your interest in chastity belts; if she's NOT interested in the bondage thing (for instance, if you participate in such activities without her knowledge or against her expressed or implied wishes), then I would regretfully conclude that getting her interested in chastity belts is a hopeless task. I really believe that the world is deeply divided into vanilla and kinky, and I seriously doubt whether anyone, especially a woman, can be persuaded to cross the divide in the direction towards kinky.

Response from John

I think this is an on going problem for many, if not most of us, that also touches on some basic sexual differences between men and women (IMHO). Men find something like CB's, D/s, Bondage, Crossdressing...whatever, latch onto it, and include it as "part" of their sexuality. Women on the otherhand, will use these same things to "enhance" their sexual experience. (Jump in any time ladies since this is a widely debated topic, and not being a woman, I can't say I'm right.-LOL.)

Recently I had a discussion with a good friend of mine, who's been involved in D/s for years. She's telling me (and laughing) about a conversation she had with a guy who was trying to pick her up at a "Scene" party. This guy's talking to her and trying to entice her into "Playing" with him by showing her, and going over, in great detail I might add, a pair of handcuffs, which I guess were unusual. (The reason's not important.)

HE's getting all turned on, AND THINKS HE'S TURNING HER ON, by describing the uniqueness of them, their strength, their shinyness, the chain...Meanwhile, she's intrigued by the cuffs, but that's it. She doesn't REALLY care about his stupid handcuffs! What she's actually thinking is, would she/should she, do anything with him-sexually? Would playing with HIM, in these handcuffs be fun? Does he look presentable? Is he clean? Is he a jerk? Is he safe? Is he nice? Is he...?

I really think we men, typically, miss "IT" most of the time. (I unfortunately, include myself in that statement as well folks.) With women, it's the relationship that's important and the "Kink" enhances it-sometimes. The sex comes with the territory. With men it's the reverse. (As I've said before, "Guys admit it, we're pigs!" LOL)

So, when you sprung the idea of spending $400 on this wonderful, shiny new CB, that, by the way, had already been measured personally to fit your body (so obviously someone else has now seen you naked besides her), and further, you want her to lock it on you, and carry the key... well that may be a bit much for her to take in swallow. Especially if she didn't know anything about it before hand, and, doesn't lean toward "Kink" to begin with.

It may be too late, but as a thought, you may get her interested or at least to tolerate it, by telling her how much you love her, need her, enjoy having sex with her... and to show her, you want to "try" being locked up BY HER-so you can't masterbate alone, or do anything sexually without her. You'll be able to be more attentive to her and able to address her needs better...

At least that's what I did about a month ago, and it seems to have worked. (I bought an A/D) So far, my wife hasn't thrown me out of the house. (Not yet-she's very vanilla.) I'm not 24/7. I don't know if I ever will be. I'm probably 12/5 right now and not complaining.

At the moment, I can tell, she thinks it's really "Out-There", but she's humoring me by going along with it. I'm treading slowly hoping that she'll eventually catch on. If she does great! If not, I'll just have to deal with it.

PS: I agree with Alice and George. If I read between the lines and understood Alice's post correctly, she seems to confirm what I just said. I also think George's point was well made. People enjoy "Kink" or they don't. Personally, I find more males driven towards it than females.

Response from Abbie

God, this is such a familiar delema, my heart goes out to Mr. B. He only has a few options.

First, give up his desire. This is not very likely if it is a deep seated urge - how can one give up their self?

Second, is to continue on his path and buy the belt without his wife's "blessing". She'll either go ballistic or perhaps be less frightned and threatened once she actually sees the thing. It may reenforce to her just how important this is to Mr. B., to see him going ahead, despite her concerns.

Third, buy the belt in secret and live a double life, using it without her knowledge.

None of the options takes the place of having a caring and willing keyholder as a partner, which is what he really wants. But then again, there are hundreds of us in the same position and we do what we must to make the best of our situations.

I've been there, done it, and got the divorce papers to prove it. :)

Response from Gary

I couldn't agree with John more. Too often, we males tend to think "If this is exciting or fun for me, then she must feel the same" We go on obliviously, once we become fixated on our desires and it may cost us the relationship with the woman or at least cause her to have second thoughts about something that she may or may be comfortable with.

Response from SA

When I introduced the topic to my wife, she thought I was crazy.

We pool our paychecks in a single checkbook, but give ourselves a small allowance at the end of the month (if there is any left) after the bills & kids etc. Anyways, I had about $500 saved up from the previous 2 years and she told me, "if you want to waste your money on that THING, go ahead...I'll think about being a keyholder, or maybe I'll just throw it away once it comes, I don't know what I'll do."

For the next 3 months, I started an intensive campaign printing excerpts from the various lists I belong to, illustrating how much better a submissive man can be. I didn't barrage her everyday, just a little every now & then, backing off when I seen she wasn't open to my suggestions.

Then I stumbled on my solution - my masturbation addiction. I decided to tell her the truth about me. I was surprised she never realized after 20 years of marriage that I did it at least twice a day. Being a staunch catholic woman, she was definitely opposed to any masturbation.

I also told her, I would get in the CB, whenever she had her period, so neither of us could enjoy and sex at that time of the month.

Slowly she warmed to the topic, and by the time the belt arrived - she consented to give it a try. I went out of my way to please her (even way beyond the 'duties' of a sub. I sent her flowers at work or left them on her car seat, (not a big expensive bouquet - just a couple of cheap ones from the grocery store), gave her a card, and basically bent over backwards whenever she would keep me locked up.

Like the person who is being whipped, I counted the days (instead of the strokes) and thanked her for everyday.

It didn't take her too long before she came around and she decided I should be wearing my metal shorts all the time.

From time to time, she comes close to relapse, wondering if she is doing the right thing. I give her extra loving, snuggling, and more flowers etc and she usually gets over it in a day or so. But all in all, I think she enjoys what I've become and enjoys playing the game. While I could only dream of getting the treatment, some of the list members get - I am satisfied she tolerates my kink and keeps me locked - even if she just thinks its her job.

Response from Eric

After reading John's response, I find his experience is much the same as mine. But if I don't go belted 24/7, I know that I will wake up and start masturbating in the morning! My wife is vanilla also, and all of what else you said applies. My shrink says try anything once, what the hell! By the way she holds one of the keys.

Response from Rodney

I have been married for over 25 years. C.B.'s were always of interest to me. My wife could not understand and could not see the fun of it. That changed about three years ago. All of a sudden she realized, that the cb. could be a instrument that could control my masturbation habits and would assure that I would not "stray". Since then I have been, more or less, belted 24/7. Initially that was rather exciting, as it was a pleasure thing for me. But with all fantasies, it ultimately changed. From a fetish, it became a "nuisance" to a "protective instrument" that I have become used to wear. I can not get excited over it any more. At times I wish it just would go away. But there it is. Now way out. On the up side. It has improved the comunications between my wife and me, our sex life is much better, and I am totally focused towards my wife. I guess I have to pay a price for that by wearing a cb.

Like your wife: My wife did not want enything to do with the cb. Like you I wanted one. Now that I have one, at times I wish I could go without. If you can convince your wife that it could be good protection for you you might have something going for you. But be aware, the consequences can be more then you bargained for. Once you are in it it is next to impossible to get out. By the way I am frequently talking to a person who is in the same situation as I am. The wife discovered the c.b. to be good protection and since then he is belted. Against his initial wish, but now he sees the advantages and has accepted it as a way of life. So for many it is not kinky, but a way to protect the partner and in my friends life and my life, it had a definite positive impact on our married life. Good Luck

Response from Adam

If you're wife is not used to the BDSM world, then a pair of serious metal underwear is going to be pretty scary looking.

Try starting small and subtle. Try giving her an orgasm, then taking no pleasure yourself. Treat her better, do some chores around the house, take her to dinner, compliment her looks. Gradually do more for her then she does for you. Buy some things for her that will accentuate her pleasure like perfume, toenail polish, and new pillows.

Introduce a little leather ball band to your sex play. Tell your wife, the gentle scrotum squeezing really heightens your pleasure. If she's not objecting, after a while, move up to a stallion guard. Don't lock it, just keep it closed with a bit of string.

Offer to lick her to orgasm, while wearing the stallion guard. And when she's had her pleasure, let her drift off to sleep, without being pestered for sex by you. Next time, do a little more, like a back rub. And again, take no pleasure yourself. Practice laying next to her in bed, she basking in her orgasm, while you quietly dealing with the sexual frustration.

It will be a good chance for you to see if you're really into chastity, and at the same time you can show your wife, by example, the benefits of sacrificing your own pleasure in deference to hers. Offer to service her more often, while you take no pleasure yourself. Make it clear, it's her pleasure that's most important. If she warms up to this, then after the tenth time or so offer her a deal. While she is drifting off to sleep in the fog of a recent orgasm, tell her you would like to wear the stallion guard for a week. If she agrees, treat her like a queen for a week while you're locked up. Show her that denial for you is good for her, too.

If this goes ok, after some months of slow progress, offer to move up a notch. She can lock your stallion guard. Or offer to get a birdcage or cb-2000. Take your time with this too, slowly show her that sexual denial for you is making you a "new man". It may take a year or so, do it subtly, and prove to her that training yourself to treat her better is the real reason for chastity. Then maybe, just maybe you can move on to the hard stuff and get that metal underwear.

Response from Mark

Whatever the reason Mr. B. wants to be belted, his wife most like sees it as Mr. B. doesn't find her sexually attractive and does not want to have sex with her anymore. This is probably completely opposite from what Mr. B. probably wants, which is, to still have sex with his wife, only his wife, and only at those times his wife wants to make love to him.

For a while, my wife and I had played around with leather chastity devices as part of our foreplay. About 2 1/2 years ago, I made a belt (similar to a Goethals belt), and asked her to lock me up for a 3 day holiday weekend. She wasn't very pleased, but she went along for the most part. She didn't understand my desires, thought it was very strange to want to be belted, and she felt very awkward when I wore the belt in public fearing that everyone could see its outline under my clothes. That first weekend, she must have had me remove it at least a dozen times. It had to come off every time I walked outside or went somewhere.

Since then, she has really warmed up to the concept. Usually, when I get horny, I will lock the belt on. She keeps both keys hidden and doesn't require me to ask her first about wearing the belt. However, the belt doesn't come off until she wants to make love. Sometimes this is a day, a week or up to a month. I often have to earn my release via full body massages, and sexually satisfying her without intercourse. Of course, this often backfires as sometimes an orgasm or two is all she has in her, and once she has these, she doesn't always want to have intercourse and I remain locked up for another 3 to 7 days. She often uses the belt to get me to agree to non-sexually related matters. Shes found that controlling the keys really changes the balance of power in the household and you would be surprised to how easily you agree to anything after being belted several weeks.

She doesn't mind me wearing the belt anymore in public, and only removes it when it is on for extreme reasons. Usually this is airport and court house metal detectors and when it would be dangerous to wear (e.g. if we go bike riding). About a year ago, she measured me for a Goethals semi-heavy belt which I purchased. The home made belt was failing due to metal fatigue and being mostly aluminum, was leaving black marks on my skin. She has come a long way since that first weekend, mostly because she knows I still love her and I love to have sex with her. She also enjoys my attention to her and her needs, not being obligated to have sex when she is tired, not feeling well or just isn't in the mood for sex. She also understands that being belted is something I enjoy, and it really doesn't have any negative effects on our relationship.

By the way, as fun as it is to be belted, there are downsides. Cotton underwear is much more pleasant to wear than metal 24 hours a day. There are times you get pinched, sore and rubbed raw. There are certain activites besides sex you can't do such as biking, horseback riding, and even hiking (chaffing often occurs). After several weeks, you may be sore in spots, making that long awaited evening of pleasure a not so pleasurable event. There will be times you will be so horny that you will do just about anything to get out of the belt, but your wife is going to say no. Your wife, needing to help understand you, may discuss you and the belt with her friends (are you ready for her friends to know you wear a chastity belt?). And, as you both age and the years pass by in your marriage, you may find yourself locked up for some very long periods of time without release.

My advice, would be to get the belt and start off very slowly with your wife. Put it on for a couple of hours before you two plan to have sex. Don't remove it until she is ready for you to have intercourse with her. Simply put, this means you stay in the belt while you do all the things she enjoys, which probably includes kissing for long periods of time, massages, talking, oral sex and clitoral stimulation. When she has had a couple of orgasms and really wants you inside of her, then the belt comes off. If you satisfy her well enough, she may just decide to leave it on you for a couple of days until she is ready for you again. Once she finds this acceptable, then the two of you can start working on keeping you locked up for longer periods of time. Just remember, while you are locked up, you are going to be horny and possibly a nuisance to her. Most women (not all) have longer sex cycles than men and she isn't going to want to hear about your belt and how much you want to be released every ten minutes.

Also remember that if you truly love your wife, you must be willing to accept the fact that she may never enjoy your being belted. If this occurs, be a man and separate fantasy from reality. Sell the belt if you have to on Altairboy's for sale page or throw it away. Being married means that your sexual relationship must be consensual and satifsying to both parties!

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Page last updated 00-Oct-16 by: Altairboy@aol.com