What is in a Name?

Dear Altairboy,

With your site getting so popular, it won't be long before corporate America figures out that there is money in chastity belts. Pretty soon, everyone will be getting in on the business. And, of course, you can't have a product without marketing, and most importantly, a catchy name. Some of the current makers do so. Consider the Cock-Cuff, Rubber Gates of Hell and so on. So I've decided to preempt the market and trademark every possible name. That way, when c-belts become big business I'll cash in as manufacturers queue up to license selections from my list.

First there is the alliterative. For example:

The Pussy Prison
The Pecker Pokey

Then there is the rhyming:

The Beaver Sleeve
The Weenie Screen
The Cock Lock
The Snatch Hatch
The Tail Jail
The Pube Tube

Smaller, more offbeat companies will go for the punning and slightly kinky:

The Slit Cover
The Man Trap
The Man-acle
The Third-Leg Iron

Those who advertise their belts on TV info-mercials, however, will want something jazzy but also functional in tone:

The Beater Defeater
The Crank Vault (or Wank Vault for you Brit-types)
The Pocket Pool Protector
and, of course, the Vag-omatic, or maybe the Virg-omatic

Over on the Christian TV channel, Jerry Falwell and the misogynist Right will surely want to market:

The Tramp Clamp (all proceeds to charity, of course).

But the big corporations will want names that go with their existing image. Something you can identify as theirs, like:

The Man Pole Cover from Bethlehem Steel
The Crotch Locket from Yamaha
Thing Sing from the New York Dept of Corrections
The Love Canal Disaster from Dow-Corning
The Best Kept Secret from Victoria's Secret
The Hammer Slammer from Whammo
The Python Protector from Trojan
The Masturbat-erator from Kitchen Aid
The Klampon from Proctor and Gamble
The I-Can't-Believe-It's-a-Butt-Plug from General Foods
The Underbolt from McDonnell-Douglas, and
CKTBe by Calvin Klien

Surely there are other names. Perhaps your readers will contribute other suggestions and together we can completely corner the market.

Sincerely,

Anonymous, please.

[ Back for more chastity related stories and links ]

Page last updated 98-Jul-15 by: Altairboy@aol.com